That's what she said...

In interesting thread about speech tags over on Kindleboards caught my attention, and I thought I'd throw in my $.02.

First, head over to Kindleboards and check out the thread over there.  I'll wait.

[Mike presses Pause on his Massive Blog Controlboard.]
Back?  Great.
[Mike tries to press Play, hits Rewind by mistake]  Ack!  No!  Ah, crap...
[Mike scrambles to correct his mistake.  His blogdroids learn some new and interesting words.]
Okay, there.  Now...

Anyway, to recap: Speech tags or speech attributions are words like 'said', 'asked', 'replied' that you add to dialogue to let the reader know who spoke.

"You know," Mike said, "your shorts are on fire."
"Ahh!" Jim yelled.  "Put it out!"

More recap: use as few speech tags as you can without risking that the reader will become confused as to who's talking.  Julie Ann Dawson gives a great example of the overuse of speech tags, and why they should be minimized.

Still more recap: Avoid using anything but plain old 'said'.  Reason:  It's a simple, unobtrusive word.  As readers, we're so used to seeing it that we don't see it.  It gets out of the way, it doesn't break the flow of the dialogue.

Self-Editing for Fiction Writers (a must have book for... well, the title says it all) has an excellent chapter on writing dialogue that goes into the proper use of speech tags (only the authors call them 'speaker attributions'--say that three times fast).  Yet again more recap: Seriously, only use 'said'.  Forget about 'asked'--that question mark in the dialog?  A really big clue-bat that a question is being asked.  'Replied'?  Nope, if its not clear from the dialogue itself that one character is speaking a reply to another one, you have a bigger problem than the need for 'replied'.

Do you have a long section of snappy back-and-forth dialog, and you're worried about all those speech tags piling up?

"I'm worried about all these speech tags piling up," Mike said.
"Why?" Jim said.
"I'm not sure. It's... distracting, somehow," Mike said.
"How long have you had this morbid fear of speech tags?" Jim said.
"Hmm... I guess it all started when I joined CritiqueCircle.com. Those people are rough," Mike said.

Minimize, remember?  Only use speech tags when it's necessary to make clear who's speaking.  Once you establish that back and forth pattern, cut them out.

"Rough, huh?" Jim said.
"Oh yeah.  Rabid grammar Nazis.  They'll rip you to shreds," Mike said.
"This is a joke, right?"
"I'm totally joking, okay?  Actually, they're the greatest."
"Your ass is grass, you know.  Better grovel some more."
"Totally.  Ladyv, Momzilla, I'm grovelling here.  Please don't beat me."

Of course, dialogue between two characters is easy.  Between three or more, you'll need to use more speech tags.  But even then, if it's clear who's talking, leave out the tag.

We got the beat...

 So, you're only using 'said', and you've cut down your speech tags to the minimum amount that's still clear.  And that long block of dialogue has become a reader-intimidating wall-of-text.

Use beats.

Beats (a term that comes from scriptwriting) are small bits of action mixed in with the dialogue.  They serve two purposes: they take the place of some of your speech tags, and the inject action into what would otherwise be as much fun as watching two Pat Paulson clones in a staged political debate.

"You think that saved your ass?" Jim said.
Mike shrugged.  "Maybe.  Better not show my face on that site for a while."
"Probably for the best."

Protip: Don't overuse beats, or your characters may end up nodding, shrugging, smiling, and frowning like a bunch of mimes on speed.

I'm so ashamed...

Having 'said' all that, I'll admit it: I break the rules.  After all, they're made to be broken, right?

Well, yeah, if you know you're breaking them, and you're sparing with your breakages.

“Get your hands off her,” I snarled.

I'll go hang my head in shame.